The NFL Network, baseball's All-Star Game and Lance. Hello everybody, it's a great day to be alive! My life has changed for the better and I'd like to share my good fortune with you all. I NOW HAVE THE NFL NETWORK!!! YES! YES! YES! It actually came down on July 1st, our local cable company here in beautiful SoCal added the all football channel and I've never been happier. My wife....that's a different story. As I danced and shook my ass in front of the tv screen while Rich Eisen and Sterling Sharpe talked about rookie receivers I sensed an energy in the room which was conspiring against my new found glee. I glanced to the right to see my wife of 19 years give me a look....it's the same look you get on your face when you see an over-weight dude wearing a speedo at the beach....or some old lady wearing a belly shirt, her long grey hair flowing just above the new ink she got in the small of her back. My eleven year old just looked at me and said the same word we say to the dog when he gets rowdy-"Settle" as in settle down. My own family can't share my enthusiasm. Some people just don't get it....
The baseball All-Star game is on tonight. It's really the only "all-star" game worth watching. The NFL Pro Bowl is all offense, same with the NBA all-star contest. The NHL, well we won't even go there. Sorry for you NHL fans, life sucks right about now huh? It'll be back....
Finally, the Tour de France is under way and I'm here to tell you Lance won't win this one. Whoa, hold on! I love Lance as much as the next guy but he's got a problem he never had in the previous Tours. Her name is Sheryl Crow. It happened to Pete Sampras, it happened to Tiger. When a dude is in the early stages of lust, I mean love, he's not the same. His testosterone is at an all time low. He is at a very vulnerable point in his life. Now if these times coincide with some important sporting event he's going to participate in, his abilities are going to be compromised. You guys know I'm right. All the chicks reading this are going to be rolling their eyes, like "Please??" Kinda like the way my wife looked at me while I strutted to the voices of Rich and Sterling....