Jim, Alex and a bunch that suck.......

Hello everybody. I know the MLB pennant races are heating up, Tiger seems to have found his groove, Tony Stewart is on fire in NASCAR, and yes we have NHL back in the house but.....I really don't care because in August every young mans fancy turns to FOOTBALL! The greatest sport ever! My wife is already rolling her eyes at me due to the fact that everytime she turns on the TV the station is set on the NFL Network. I used to flip between the movie channels, ESPN, and Spike TV but no mas....theres only ONE channel in the TV universe.

Having said that, a moment to think about Jim Kelly is needed. Call it a leftover from HOF weekend in Canton. Marino mentioned the passing of Jim's son Hunter the previous day and of course that brought back memories of Jim's induction speech when he said Hunter was his hero. As Jim Rome would say "Freakin' Jim Kelly"! The guy is a class act, right there with Dan Da Man. You see what I just typed....that is coming from a die-hard Fins fan, a fan who hates Buffalo, New York, New England and back in the day Indy. Those teams kept my beloved Fins from the promised land one too many times. I still hate em' but as a 40 year old fan I now can RESPECT em'. Especially Freakin' Jim. The dude helped take his team to the big one FOUR FREAKIN' times! (ok, no more freakin's) Had it not been for Norwood's wide-right, Jim would have a winners ring on his hand. It's all good though, he's a winner in Diamond Dave's book.

Looks like the 49'ers are gonna throw Alex Smith to the wolves. Rookie QB is gonna lead the team, warts and all. Local fishwrap writer Jim Trotter recently provided some research he had done concerning first round QB's and their careers. He focused on the decade of the 90's but check this out, very interesting stuff.

Jeff George, number 1 overall pick by Indy in 1990. Andre Ware number 7 overall taken by Detroit. They sucked. In 91, pick number 16 sent Dan McGwire to Seattle. WHO? Oakland took Todd Marinovich with the 24th pick of the draft. They sucked. In 92, Cincinnati took David Klingler 6th and Denver took Tommy Maddox in the 25th spot. He's done ok, not great. They kinda suck. The number 1 pick in 93 was Drew Bledsoe taken by New England. He was great early, now? Number 2 was Rick Mirer. His career has lasted 12 years but he's only played one full season. One is good the other sucks. With the 3rd pick in 1994 Washington took Heath Shuler. Tampa Bay took Trent Dilfer at number 6. He has a ring. One can get the job done the other sucks. 1995 saw Steve McNair go at number 3 to Tennessee and two picks later Kerry Collins went to Carolina. Hey, finally a couple of decent QB's.

In 96 there were no first round QB's taken. In 97 in the 26th spot San Francisco took Jim Druckenmiller. He sucks. Here we go, 1998, Indy takes Peyton Manning number 1 and San Diego takes Ryan Leaf. One superstar, one complete jerk who sucks. In 99, Cleveland took Tim Couch number 1. Number 2 went to Philly who took Donovan McNabb. Cincy had 3 and took Akili Smith. Minnesota took Dante Culpepper11th and Chicago took Cade McNown 12th. Two are good, three suck. Finally, in 2000 New York Jets drafted Chad Pennington in the 18th spot.

There you have it. Now where do you think Alex Smith is going to end up? Let me know what you think and be sure to check back next week for my take on the high price of gas and escorts. Between now and then be sure to do your homework. Go to theeroticreview.com and check out the escorts in your area of the country. Then you won't be lost next week when you come back here. Until then....

Dan Da Man, Jay and Porn part deux

Hello everyone. Sorry I got a little behind. My house is just a few miles from the ocean and we don't have air conditioning-just ceiling fans. Last week it got so hot here in SoCal I just couldn't get myself into the office to write. Hell, it must've been near 80 with humidity in the high 20's. It's true, we're spoiled by the great weather but we pay for it. We have the highest gas prices in the country (89 oct $2.80 gal.), real estate is outta control, fuckin' tourists everywhere! The price we pay for 350 days of sunshine.

Dan Marino was inducted into the pro football hall of fame yesterday. Jets fan, I know you didn't LIKE him, but I know you guys RESPECT him. Me, I'm a life-long Fins fan. From the 71 playoff game with the Chiefs, I love the aqua and orange. I'm not gonna go on and on about Fins players but I do think Dan is a class act. He stayed loyal to Miami, never held out, put up incredible numbers with no defense and no running game. Yeah, he slipped when he accepted an office job with the Dolphins then backed out a few days later but the guy is an incredible passer and a great man.

The man who followed Dan as QB in Miami is now a Jet. Jay Fiedler is listed second on the Jets QB roster behind Chad Pennington. Oh by the way, Ty Law is a Jet as well. Yes! I hope you guys win the division if the Fins can't. Enough Patriots already.....I digress, back to Jay. The man had a winning record as starting QB of the Dolphins. He played hurt, he wouldn't hesitate to run with the ball, what the hell? A.J. Feel- whatever, and Gus Fer- whatever are supposed to be the leaders of my team? PLEASE.... I bleed aqua and orange but I hope this happens. Pennington's shoulder forces him to sit out. Fiedler takes over the team and the N.Y. Jets win the Super Bowl with Jay named MVP with 3 td's, 2 passing, 1 running. I'm serious. Jet fan if Fiedler does have to come in, don't worry. You're in good hands. As for Miami, Gus show me what your journeyman ass has learned over the years and A.J.....YOU SUCK!!!

Last week I told you about my neighbor who believes if her husband looks at porn he is cheating on her. I just want to set the record straight, porn is not for everybody. I'm not proposing we tar and feather those who don't like porn though it is a good idea. If a man would rather watch porn and jerk off than to be with his wife or girlfriend....well he should seek help quickly. But there is a place for porn in our male lives. Us males are visual. We respond to visual stimulation. Women are more visceral, their imaginations, their "minds eye" stimulate them. Hence, romance novels. "He slid his manhood into her love muffin...." whatever. So guys, if your woman doesn't want you to look at porn, tell her you don't want her to read those small paperbacks she has laying around.

Obviously, it's a self-esteem issue with chicks. Perhaps my man next door should attempt to pump up his wife instead of ragging on her....which he does. Trust me, he gets chances to check out online porn and he does. It's just ashamed he has to do it behind her back....NOT REALLY!